Do You Feel Saddened and Overwhelmed by a Void in Your Relationship?
Does it seem like your partner just doesn’t listen to or understand you anymore? Do you feel so lonely, isolated and confused in your relationship that you are struggling to focus on other areas of your life? Maybe you have been trying to ignore the strain and disconnection for a long time, but just can’t hold your distress inside or pretend that things are okay anymore. You might not feel like yourself and struggle with self-blame, doubt and fear about the future. Do you wish you could find a way to communicate with your partner and feel heard, appreciated and loved in your relationship again?
Perhaps you and your partner can hardly go a day without conflict. You may often find yourself arguing about everything from chores and scheduling to your views on child rearing and finances. Or, because of your busy schedules or the fear of a blow-up, you and your partner might rarely speak at all. Maybe you have not been intimate with your partner for a long time and feel as though you are just co-existing rather than living with someone you love. You might also be struggling with a betrayal of trust and wondering if you can forgive, or if you even want to. Perhaps you feel frustrated, angry and lost. You may be at a loss about how to stop resenting your partner and start rebuilding the nurturing, supportive relationship that you crave.
No Marriage or Relationship Is Perfect
The beginning of a relationship is often full of passion and excitement. It is very common for one or both partners, eager to make the relationship work, to bury some hurts and avoid problems when they first arise. However, these hurts and issues often stay unresolved, especially as children, marriage, cohabitating and other external stressors start to take up both partners’ time and energy. The increase in life stress and responsibility can lead to a shortage of opportunities to enjoy each other’s company, let alone work through long-standing issues. While spending some time apart can be healthy, too much separation can create emotional disengagement until, suddenly, disconnection becomes the status quo.
When a relationship suffers, many people feel as though they have failed in some way. But, please don’t let self doubt create such feelings, instead be aware of the positive desire for change and improvement. Building a strong healthy relationship takes skill and knowledge of the best ways to communicate in your unique situation. It takes much understanding, emotional awareness and skillful navigation to make a relationship successful. And, in our American culture, we are never taught any of these skills. In school, we learn how to solve a math problem, but not how to deal with our emotions, the emotions of others and the complexities of relationships. We have very few role models of healthy, loving marriages or partnerships. You and your partner have both carried your own needs, wants and tendencies into your relationship. Blending those differences into a supportive and nurturing experience can become a challenge and requires knowledge around what may seem to be mysterious; a complementary connection where two people meet each other’s needs and effectively resolve conflict. Thankfully, with the compassionate support of a skilled therapist, you can learn new ways of relating, communicating, connecting and ultimately creating the bond you have always wanted.
Marriage Counseling Can Help You and Your Partner Find Balance and Clarity
You don’t have to face your relationship issues alone. With empathy and honesty, I can help you identify your values, needs and role in your relationship dynamic. You can come to a deeper understanding of your partner while also nurturing the relationship you have with yourself. No two relationships are alike, and I will treat your situation as the unique, complex and important relationship that it is. Through individualized couples counseling, you and your partner can develop the communication skills you need to diffuse hostility, work toward compromise and reconnect.
In marriage counseling sessions, I focus on each partner, in addition to the relationship as a whole. Drawing on my intuition and experience, I can help you better understand yourself, your emotional triggers and your reactions to difficult feelings or situations. By looking inward, you can come to understand your power and your ability to make conscious choices and bring positivity to your relationship. As you begin to better understand where you are, I will also work to help foster open communication and empathy so that each person in the relationship will see the other’s point of view. Together, you and your partner can shift away from harmful or ineffective reactions to conflict and begin to create new ways of problem-solving and healing.
I know firsthand that relationships can be challenging. I also know that the beautiful experience you desire is possible. I was in an incredibly gratifying marriage for 24 years before my husband passed away. I understand how deeply rewarding yet at times frustrating and difficult building a healthy marriage can be. I am a straightforward and dedicated therapist, and it is important to me that you feel comfortable and empowered in our relationship counseling sessions. My approach is about tuning in to the uniqueness of your situation and working closely with you as a confidant and a guide.
You and your partner once shared something special, and with help, you can learn new ways to put each other first and meet each other’s needs. If you and your partner approach marriage counseling with an openness and willingness to engage in the process, you can create positive change. Regardless of the issues you are facing now, I believe that you can build a strong, intimate, lasting relationship. As you work together to restore the structure of your relationship, you might be astonished by how close you can feel again.
You may believe that couples counseling can help you and your partner reconnect, but still have questions or concerns...
What if my partner won’t come to marriage counseling?
If your partner is resistant to relationship counseling, you are welcome and encouraged to come to sessions on your own. As you begin to learn about your reactions and make changes to your behavior, you can have an impact on the relationship dynamics. As you begin to communicate with greater clarity and compassion, your partner will have to shift his or her own responses. And, in sessions, you can enjoy peace, comfort and support.
It’s too late. I am worried the relationship is going to end.
During couples counseling, my goal is to help each partner feel heard, understood and empowered to make decisions for his or her own well-being. While it is possible that you and your partner will decide to separate, I can offer you support and guidance so that you can regain your own balance and make your choices with consideration and care. Therapy can help your relationship end amicably, without residual anger or resentment.
I have helped many couples heal, forgive and move forward from even the deepest hurts. Sometimes, working through seemingly impossible conflicts actually makes a relationship stronger than ever before. So much is possible in the marriage counseling process. My approach is unique and effective, and I can help you and your partner rediscover the joy that brought you together.
We don’t have time for couples counseling.
I understand that many couples have packed schedules. I offer flexible hours and phone sessions so that counseling is convenient for you. The time you spend in therapy is an investment in your long-term well-being as a couple and as individuals. And, as you develop new communication and compromise skills, you might find that you are no longer spending so much time arguing, avoiding one another or feeling weighed down by conflict.
Relationship Counseling Can Bring You and Your Partner Together Again
You and your partner can rebuild intimacy, friendship and love. I invite you to call me at 908-522-9439 for a free, 30-minute phone consultation. You can ask questions you may have about marriage counseling and my practice.